JoBo

Letting go of anger

8 posts in this topic

Hi everyone! I'm hoping someone here could help me or perhaps have some insight to share.

Recently I've become hyper aware of the anger I hold onto in myself. I'm talking old anger about things that happened to me that I did not deserve. The best example I have is a couple of girls I went to school with and considered my friends, who had a lot of fun at my expense, essentially publicly humiliating me just so they could have a laugh. It's an event that took place a long time ago (7-8 years) and although it has deeply and permanently affected me, I've moved on and I don't think about it anymore. I've talked about it with people I trust, expressed my feelings, had time to digest it and leave it behind me. But I still feel inexplicably angry towards those two particular girls. It's an anger that makes me want to destroy them, make them feel pain that they will never be able to recover from and I want their lives to crumble and turn to ash.

This is just one example. I've had several other experiences, not as drastic, that also leave me forever angry. Despite apologies from the culprits, sometimes even lengthy discussions to resolve the issue and genuine remorse from these people, it's not enough and I feel a lack of closure with so many of these experiences and I can feel it all swirling inside me. 

I don't want to feel this way. Obviously I realise that these thoughts I have about wanting to destroy people are pretty evil and I don't want to become that. I just want to let it all go, forget it, leave it behind me and live my life knowing these experiences and emotions don't control who I am, and I don't know how to achieve this.

 

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On 3/5/2018 at 7:19 AM, JoBo said:

...It's an anger that makes me want to destroy them, make them feel pain that they will never be able to recover from and I want their lives to crumble and turn to ash.

A competent and trained therapist would be your best option to help you resolve these issues.  Please consider so you can move on and enjoy a peaceful co-existence.

Please also share your feelings with a relative or a trusted friend. These are very troubling emotions and must to be addressed..., but until you get help, you need to have people who are close to you aware of your difficulties so as to help you avoid making a mistake

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On 05/03/2018 at 1:52 PM, LarryD517 said:

A competent and trained therapist would be your best option to help you resolve these issues.  Please consider so you can move on and enjoy a peaceful co-existence.

Please also share your feelings with a relative or a trusted friend. These are very troubling emotions and must to be addressed..., but until you get help, you need to have people who are close to you aware of your difficulties so as to help you avoid making a mistake

Hi Larry,

Thank you for your advice. I'm very open about this with my family and a friend, they know the full extent of my rage and they have a good understanding of how I feel and why. The good thing is I've never acted on this anger even is opportunities for revenge had arisen.  

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It doesn't sound like you have moved on. Moving on means you have no resentment or rage, not that you don't think about it. It sounds like these girls traumatized you, and I would suggest Larry's advice. Not only is a competent one important, but it sounds like you need one trained in trauma therapy. Trauma comes in many forms and what happened to you with those girls was a traumatic event, one that has left an indelible scar on your psyche and that needs specific exercises to help heal.

Trauma therapy has actually helped me in overcoming some of the experiences I have experienced that are very close to yours.

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On 12/03/2018 at 9:58 PM, KateZena said:

It doesn't sound like you have moved on. Moving on means you have no resentment or rage, not that you don't think about it. It sounds like these girls traumatized you, and I would suggest Larry's advice. Not only is a competent one important, but it sounds like you need one trained in trauma therapy. Trauma comes in many forms and what happened to you with those girls was a traumatic event, one that has left an indelible scar on your psyche and that needs specific exercises to help heal.

Trauma therapy has actually helped me in overcoming some of the experiences I have experienced that are very close to yours.

Hmmm I suppose I haven't... It never occurred to me that this could be trauma. I always thought trauma was from something more like physical abuse or violence, but not a case of teenage bullying. I've had CBT in the past and I found it very ineffective, so I'm sceptical about reaching out again... But I'll give it more thought and consider what you and others have said. Thank you for your input and advice. 

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On 3/22/2018 at 7:38 AM, JoBo said:

Hmmm I suppose I haven't... It never occurred to me that this could be trauma. I always thought trauma was from something more like physical abuse or violence, but not a case of teenage bullying. I've had CBT in the past and I found it very ineffective, so I'm sceptical about reaching out again... But I'll give it more thought and consider what you and others have said. Thank you for your input and advice. 

Trauma therapy (aka trauma-focused therapy) isn't CBT. It can include CBT, but it's a mixture of different therapies, catered to what you have experienced in your life. It's very different to CBT. Now, my therapy does have CBT in it, but that's because I have more than one trauma and I also have behavioral issues on top of that. Everyone is different and every therapist is different. That's why you have to interview your therapist a bit. I went through at least half a dozen therapists before I found the one I see monthly. Sometimes I took one look at their face and said, "Sorry, I can't work with you. Bye," and went right out the door. My current one specializes in trauma-related cases, eating disorders, and developmental disorders with family issues, so I work hard.

TLDR, really read about your therapist before you make an appointment. Still don't like them? Just try a new one!

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